Version française: https://wordpress.com/post/beautyfreedomjesus.com/2716
This week, I really wanted to share with you the way I came to know Jesus. He gave me a before and after and I would like to let you know how things changed for me once I got to know Him. I won’t be able to share every detail because I would have to write a book, but I will surely tell you the important parts in the whole story.
¨ I accepted Christ in my life when I was 12 years old. Although I was very young, I knew my inner struggles. I had no self esteem. I didn’t love myself. I was very insecure, it is that simple. I remember I had this huge desire of being loved. I would look for that love all around me. I can also remember the desperate need to have friends and being with people that were not really my friends, in order not to feel alone. I was very conscious about it but I didn’t care, because at least I had ¨ friends ¨.
I had the love of my parents, my family, but I would still always feel a huge emptiness. Every time somebody would laugh at me, even just for fun, it would hurt me deeply. I even though of suicide many times as a child. I remember once, I left my house because I would tell myself: ¨If I leave, maybe they will realise that I was someone ¨. Up until now, my story seems very dark, but I still had a beautiful childhood.
I went to church for the first time on september 25th of 2005. It was a youth night. That day, I understood why I had this deep and painful desire to be loved: I was looking for God’s love. I remember when the lady that was preaching that day, Mama Nene is how we call her at church, she said that God loved us. It blew my mind. I remember being so moved that day. I accepted Christ into my heart that day because I finally had the answer to the suffering of my child’s heart: God, the One who created the universe loved ME.
I kept going to church and a month later, I went to a retreat called « Encounter with God ». It lasted a weekend. That weekend I understood the reality I was living in, up until I accepted Jesus in my life. Because from that youth night until the encounter with God, the only thing I knew was that God loved me. But it is in that encounter that I understood who I was in front of God and the reason why Jesus died at the cross for me. As I’m writing this to you, my eyes are tearing because I can see how God had orchestrated everything to have a relationship with me.
It was at the encounter with God that I understood that even being a good person and doing good actions was not enough. I was still filled with sin. I was corrupted. I would sin every day. And by sin I mean even just lying to my parents. Nothing that I could do or say could have justified me before God so that I can be worthy of His love, worthy to be accepted into His glory. I was far from Him because of sin. I understood that God is holy, pure and He cannot be where sin is. Even if He would want to, His holiness cannot be mixed with sin. In that moment I saw myself as someone dirty on the floor and God as a bright and glorious light in the heavens.
HOWEVER since the day I was formed in my mother’s womb, God loved me. He created me to love me. He loved me as I was, filled with sin. He had His eyes placed on me and He never stopped loving me, but He could not be near me nor bless me because of sin. He could not let me know and feel His gigantic love, nor save my soul because of sin. But because He loved me deeply, He thought of the idea of sending His only son, the perfect Jesus on earth.
More than 2000 years ago, He sent His son, Jesus, to live on earth, be perfect, not sin, and than die on the cross. He who lived in the glory of God. But He did it as a sacrifice to take all my sins on Him so that I would not suffer the punishment for my sins. So that I could be with The Father. So that I could feel God in my life. Jesus was the solution for me to have access to God. And when I accepted Jesus in my life on that youth night, God cleansed me from all my sins. He removed the punishment that was suppose to be mine because Jesus was now in my heart.
But all of this I only grasped it at the encounter. It was at the encounter that I could receive God’s forgiveness and that I could also forgive every person that had hurt me in my first 12 years of life. Since that day, I was not the same Veronica. Because of Jesus, God had given me a new identity: I was now His daughter. Now, my whole life was going to change, it was going to be blessed, He was going to give me all the desires of my heart. I was going to live in the fullness of His love every single day of my life.
Now the story does not end here. Of course, I grew up. I started high school and things started changing. I became somewhat rebellious towards my parents. But all this time I would still go to church, I loved God but was living on my own will. I thank God for all those church events we had throughout the years where I would feel close to God again. And in the summer of 2011, I decided to give my life over to Jesus once and for all.
Since 2011, God has never stopped working in my life. He has blessed me so much. He gave me new capacities to succeed at school like never before. He restored my self esteem, which continually is at work. He gave me the privilege of serving in many departments at church to keep me going in my relationship with Him. He blessed me financially and I have never lacked anything. He gave me the best husband that I could have ever imagined at 22 years old. He gave us a beautiful place to live and I know that the best is yet to come because we have Jesus in my life. Not because I deserved any of this, but because everything is an undeserved gift of God.¨
I used my own story to show you that we are all the same before God when we don’t have Jesus. We are like the image I was describing earlier. No one but Jesus can save us from our sins. There is no other way to be justified in front of our Holy God. My goal here is not to make you feel bad, guilty or condemned. We are all sinners. It is actually the opposite. I care about your soul and your life and I believe Jesus to be the truth that will change your life. That is why I want you to believe that God loves you. I pray that God opens your eyes so that you can accept Jesus into your life, save your soul, bless your life, heal your heart, heal your body, protect you and your family.
He is the best thing that could have happened to me. Without Him I don’t know what would be of my life. He gave me a love and a hope that will never fail. Those are my biggest blessings. I hope you will have them too. If you feel you need to get close to God simply ask him to come into your heart and He will eagerly do it.
‘For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. They are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. God presented him as an atoning sacrifice in his blood, received through faith, to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his restraint God passed over the sins previously committed. God presented him to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so that he would be righteous and declare righteous the one who has faith in Jesus. ‘ Romans 3:23-26